The Spanking of Britannia and Gaul
by EvanescingSky
Summary: Chibi England has gotten into quite a bit of trouble-he's been playing around with his older sister Ireland's magic book. What's worse than that? Getting spanked in front of France.


Don't even get me started on how historically inaccurate this is. I know. It's just something I wrote for fun. Ireland is approximately 16 in this, which places Scotland at 17, France at 15, England at 6 or 7 and Wales at 12 or 13.

Name Key:  
>Britannia: England<p>

Hibernia: Ireland

Caledonia: Scotland

Cambria: Wales

Gaul: France

* * *

><p>"Britannia! I'm home!" Hibernia called, walking into the house. She set down her pail of milk and armload of fabrics, closing the door with her foot. The house remained suspiciously quiet. Cambria and Caledonia were back on their islands and Ireland was taking care of their baby brother, Britannia. She had learned early on with Wales that silence, when there was a young child in the house, was never a good thing. Britannia was approximately the human age of five, so he was wont to get into trouble, merely by his youth and curiosity. As for herself, she was fifteen, but with the death of their mother, The Celtic Tribes, she and Caledonia had really had to step up to take care of Britannia and Cambria.<p>

Cautiously tip-toeing down the hall towards the kitchen, Hibernia felt a cool breeze ruffle her dress around her shins. She leaned forward, the wooden boards creaking beneath her bare feet, craning her neck to see into the kitchen, yet remain unseen if Britannia was still there. Long, vivid red hair tumbled over her shoulder as her emerald eyes-the only trait she shared with Britannia-followed the trail of destruction, ever widening as they went. Whitish-yellow batter coated the fireplace, dripped from the ceiling, splashed across cupboards and was tracked across the floor in the shape of small footprints. Dishes lay strewn across the floor where Britannia must have pulled them from the cabinets he could reach. The back door was wide open, welcoming any thieves who might pass by. A fire was still smoldering in the fire pit, so Hibernia quickly smothered it with a pan.

"What in God's name happened in here?" she asked herself. "It looks like a war zone! Britannia!"

The silence remained omnipresent. Wiping the batter from her feet, Hibernia moved on through the rustic house. Tell-tale signs of mischief were traced throughout-paintings knocked askew, small animals running from her footsteps, strange writing scrawled on the walls, unknown substances pooling on the floor or dripping from the ceiling. Britannia wasn't in his room. Or the sitting room. Or the washroom. At last, almost dreading to do so, she carefully pushed open the door to her own room and saw him sitting on her bed, splattered head to toe in the mysterious batter, pawing through her magic book and playing around with her wand. A few errant flowers sprouted from her ceiling, dropping petals as they hung.

Horror spread across her face as she saw the sloppy fingerprints on her book, her precious, unique, one-of-a-kind magic book.

"Britannia!" she shrieked. The little boy looked up, his large eyebrows shooting up into his short blonde hair as his eyes grew wide-he knew he was in trouble now.

"Wait, sister," he begged. "I can fix it!" He waved the wand again, succeeding in making one of Hibernia's window panes explode and shatter glass all over the floor. He swallowed hard and gave her a weak smile. "Ah…all better?"

"I'm going to skin you, lad!" she exclaimed, running for him. If Britannia hadn't personally seen Hibernia's flammable temper in action, he would have thought her cute accent belayed any threat the message might have delivered. As it were, he had, so he made his escape. As he had done with his brother Caledonia, he tried to dodge between her legs. However, he completely neglected to take into account the fact that she was wearing a dress. He ran headlong into the fabric and fell forward.

With a gasp of mortification, Hibernia jerked her dress down, a flush of crimson obscuring her freckles. She quickly jumped out of the way and from the look on her face, Britannia knew he had just made things about ten times worse.

"BRITANNIA!"

He scrambled off the floor, for a moment moving so fast his feet failed to get any friction on the floor so that he remained in place for several heartbeats before managing to make it out the door. He sprinted down the steps, heading for the open back door. He heard Hibernia pounding down the steps after him. She skipped the last five, leaping down to land on the ground floor. Ignoring the dull pain in her heels, she kept up after Britannia, skidding around corners, always keeping the tail of his black tunic in sight. The siblings raced through the kitchen. Britannia went first, slipping in one of his previous footprints and slamming into a cupboard. Hibernia came sliding through a moment later, ramming into Britannia and crushing him into the cabinet for a second time.

"Are you alright?" she panted.

"Yes," Britannia replied, relaxing.

"Good. Because I'm still going to kill you!" she shouted, grabbing Britannia by his collar.

"No! No spanking!" he wailed. Squirming around as he did, he managed to free himself from the tunic and continue on his path out the back door in just his panties.

"Britannia!" Her voice made his heart skip a beat and he pushed himself to run faster. Exploding out the back door, she remained hot on his trail.

_Bloody hell! This woman doesn't give up!_

Out in the open, they were both able to pick up speed. Hibernia's long red hair streamed out behind her like a ribbon. Unfortunately for Britannia, no matter how determined he was to escape the justice of his older sister, she had much longer legs and more stamina. He began to slow as he ran towards the sheep paddock, his small, chubby legs unable to keep up this speed any longer. At last he dropped to his knees, panting. "I can't do it…I can't do it…" In a flash she was standing over him, tapping one pale foot.

"Looks like Britannia's in for some spanking," she threatened. Britannia paled. He tried to get to his feet, but Hibernia slung an arm around his waist, tucking him under her arm like a parcel from the marketplace.

"Unhand me!" he squealed. "Fiend! I'll use magic on you!"

"Yes, well, having seen how well THAT worked, I'll take my chances," Hibernia said dryly. She carted Britannia back to the house, keeping a firm grip on his slippery body until she reached the front porch. That was when Britannia noticed a few lone figures approaching from the distance.

"Wait!" he cried, desperate to delay the inevitable spanking. "Someone's coming!"

"Oh, yes. I never got a chance to tell you, Britannia. Caledonia and Cambria are coming over for dinner!" Hibernia said sweetly. The idea of being spanked in front of his older brothers made Britannia quail inside. It was so unfair! How was he supposed to know magic was so hard?

"B-b-but!" he blubbered.

"And, they're bringing The Roman Empire's colony Gaul over too," she added.

"No! No, no, no, no!" Drained of any further protests, Britannia started to wail.

"Take it like a man," Hibernia said, turning the country over her knees and swatting his bottom with no little force. He was unable to stifle a yip with each hit, though he kept his tears silent. By the time she was done, Britannia felt like he'd be unable to sit right for a year and his brothers had reached the front path, in company of a young blonde teen.

"What goes on here?" Caldonia asked, amused.

"Britannia decided that it would be a good idea to get into my magic book and wreak havoc on the house," Hibernia said matter-of-factly, giving Britannia one last swat before setting him down, sniffling, on the porch. Caledonia laughed and Cambria shook his head.

"How bad is it?"

"It's mighty bad, brother," IHibernia said, standing up. Her hand throbbed from the thrashing she'd given Britannia, but she couldn't let him see that.

"Then I guess we'd better get to work," Caledonia said, setting his pack of sheep meat down on the porch. The three siblings went inside to clean up, leaving Britannia to dry his nose on his arm and gaze at this strange newcomer, who was dressed in a sky-blue tunic. Britannia thought this looked very girly. Like something Hibernia might wear to Easter services.

"What are you looking at?" he asked, trying in vain to sound severe. The boy just looked amused. "

Nothing," he said. His voice had a very strange accent to it. Britannia decided he didn't like it. After a moment he asked, "What did you do to the house?"

"None of your business!" Britannia retorted, furious when a hiccup interrupted his denouncement.

"Perhaps I'd better go help your sister clean up," the boy said. Something flashed in his eyes that instantly made Britannia distrustful. He moved to block the boy's way up the steps.

"What's with that dress?" he demanded. "It looks girly."

"Says the boy in little white panties," Gaul replied calmly, an infuriating smirk on his face. Britannia turned beet red.

"I lost my tunic!" he yelled.

"And your pants?"

"Oooh!" Britannia had had enough for one day. He rammed his palms into Gaul's chest, pushing the boy backwards into a mud puddle which had formed of last night's rain. For a moment, Gaul just sat there, staring at Britannia in shock. Mud dripped from his hair and stained his tunic. "Ha! You look like a frog!" Britannia laughed. "Why don't you go eat some flies, frog?"

"I could start with the ones that must get caught in your eyebrows!" Gaul retorted. Tears stung his eyes-this was his favorite tunic! He angrily swiped at his eyes.

"At least I don't look like a girl!" Britannia shot back, stinging from that last one. He got it from his siblings all the time about his eyebrows. Gaul strode over and threw an arm around Britannia's shoulders.

"You'd better enjoy it, tiny, this is as close to any girl as you'll ever get!" That was when Britannia tackled Gaul to the ground. Caledonia, Cambria and Hibernia came out to find the two boys in the pig pen, trying to throttle each other. As they watched, Britannia pushed Gaul off of him and the fight was on their feet again.

"Britannia!" Hibernia screamed. Hadn't he learned his lesson already today?

"Gaul!" Caledonia boomed. He was just a year older than Hibernia, but his voice was already dropping and proved to be most threatening when he posed the right tone. Both boys ceased to struggle immediately. Gaul released Britannia, who fell with a yelp and a splash into the muck in the pen.

Cambria looked over at his two older siblings. "It's not for me to say but…I think another spanking is in order," he said calmly.

"I have to agree, brother," Caledonia said, cracking his knuckles.

"Oh, dear. I thought the little laddie had learned his lesson earlier!" Hibernia sighed in mock exasperation. Gaul's blue orbs became the size of full moons and Britannia looked like he might start crying. There was no use in running this time. There was one gate into and out of the pigpen and Caledonia was blocking it. He reached for Gaul, who tried to dodge, but Caledonia caught him around the ankle and dragged him out of the pen.

"Hey! You can't do this! You're only three years older!" Gaul shouted, bumping across the uneven lawn. Caledonia didn't even reply. Britannia attempted to hide behind a pig, but Hibernia grabbed him beneath his armpits and hauled him back to the porch. Sitting next to each other, each redheaded island nation turned a blonde one over their knee and spanked them hard. Gaul didn't even try to hide his tears and was in hysterics by the third hit.

When they were done, Hibernia said to Caledonia, "Look at them! Wearing mud like a second skin! We should get them washed up." Caledonia nodded and started back inside.

"Brother!" Hibernia's voice had a panicked edge to it.

"Yes?" he asked, puzzled, turning to look at her.

"I can't take them," she pointed out. "Britannia is one thing but…" she trailed off, gesturing to Gaul.

Unfazed, Caledonia turned to Cambria. "Can you manage?" Cambria nodded. "I think so. Come on, you two!" He started off towards the river, Gaul and Britannia shuffling after him.

"I can't believe it," Hibernia muttered as she and Scotland walked back inside to keep cleaning the hallway. "They were alone for approximately five minutes!"

"I'm sure it won't last." Caledonia brushed it off. "You know little kids. They'll have forgotten about it by tomorrow." They went back to work picking up Britannia's mess. By the time Cambria returned with a shivering-and mostly nude-Gaul and Britannia, they were almost to the kitchen.

"There's old stuff of yours in the upstairs guest room!" Hibnernia called to Wales. "Gaul can wear some of that! Britannia's room is next to mine!" The three of them returned, clean again, just in time to help Caledonia and Hibernia start the kitchen.

"What happened in here anyway?" Gaul sulked. "It looks like a bowl of bread batter exploded."

"I was trying to cook!" Britannia piped up.

"What exactly were you trying to cook?" Hibernia Ireland asked.

"I was making something new!" Britannia said enthusiastically.

Hibernia was bent over, scrubbing the floor when a spatula smacked her on her behind. She jumped up. "Hey!" She turned around to see Caledonia holding a spatula and smirking.

"I had to help Gaul get revenge." Gaul was standing nearby, trying to hide a smile.

"Is that so?" she raised a ginger eyebrow. "In that case…" She reached out and snatched up a broom. "I need payback as well!" She tried to smack Caledonia, but he blocked her with his spatula. But as he backed up, someone else got him. He spun to see Cambria holding a ladle and grinning.

"Thanks Angus." Hibernia returned his broad smile. She turned to keep cleaning when the spatula hit her again.

"Oh, it's on, Iain!" she cried, charging Caledonia.

"Bring it, Maerad!"

She finally managed to land her broom head on Caledonia's rear, but that was when someone else hit her. She turned ever so slowly to an uncertain Gaul, holding a cheese grater, still out to where he'd hit her.

"You just started a game you don't EVEN want to finish," she said with a wicked glint in her eye. Gaul gripped his cheese grater and prepared for battle. What followed was an all-out smack war, all five of them battling it out with various kitchen utensils. Sides were constantly changing and no direction was safe. When they stopped, they were all breathless with laughter, and while the kitchen was no cleaner, it didn't seem so important anymore.

"You guys are crazy," Gaul gasped, keeping his backside against the wall. "I love it!"

"We are so much fun," Hibernia said, giving Caledonia a slight thump on the head. Suddenly, the sound of the door creaking open reached their ears. They all turned towards the hall.

"Have'a you guys'a seen Gaul?" called a deep, Italian voice. Caledonia turned towards Hibernia with wide eyes. The Roman Empire, he mouthed. She nodded. In a movement so fluid only siblings could have timed it, all of the island siblings shoved their kitchen tools into Gaul's hands and beat it out the back door. "GAUL!" It was only minutes before The Roman Empire's outraged bellow sounded from the kitchen. Gaul's desperate defense followed. Eventually, The Roman Empire appeared in the door way. "You four!" he cried, pointing to the island siblings. "Getting into mischief! You're going to get it too!"

"Oh, bugger," Cambria whispered.

"Retreat!" Britannia howled. The four of them sprinted off down towards the river with The Roman Empire in hot pursuit. "I can't take three in one day!" Britannia wailed.

"Then run faster!" Caledonia panted. None of them needed any encouragement. A spanking from The Roman Empire was definitely not high on any of their fun lists.


End file.
